Kim Brett
Former Exodus - Associate Former Leader - Living Waters and Liberty Inc
.
My now partner once commented how life as a gay Christian seeking
re-orientation was like living in a cemetery waiting to die – this
explained exactly how I felt. I had resigned myself to a life of
chastity and obedience as re-orientation had never occurred for me and
celibacy was my only option. My life had become shallow, small and
empty.
My
desire has been to support women who wish to live by their Christian
convictions, not just aiming for validation by being ‘heterosexual’. In
2003 I co-founded an ex-gay group (YANA) for Christian women who were
dealing with same-sex and relationship concerns. I have been involved
with Living Waters, an ex-gay ministry (Liberty Inc) and Exodus. I was
also on the leadership team of a street work ministry for 7 years.
There
had been an increasing uneasiness in me since 2005 that what I was
teaching was harmful to people. I had become tired and ill-at-ease with
always feeling that this part of my life and others attending the group
(same-sex orientated) is broken and in need of fixing. For a long time I
had been witnessing peoples (and my own) growing frustration that no
matter how repentant, prayerful and committed we all were to living a
life as an ex-gay Christian, the changes we all sought and were taught
possible never really materialised for most. Some people I knew were
married and had married but most seemed to still be dealing with
homosexual feelings.
Depression,
anxiety, loneliness and inner turmoil were our constant companions
because as seen through the eyes of many churches, our ‘failure’ to
change equated with somehow not having enough faith, not being a ‘true’
Christian or having a demonic influence.
I
do feel that there was benefit in attending some ex-gay groups in that
as we journeyed together Christian maturity and personal growth was
evident - I consider this is a consequence of any loving Christian
group. The people I have journeyed with are the most dedicated and
courageous people I have ever met. I pray God will lead us all to
freedom and truth in Christ.
In
summary, life has changed dramatically for me since being confronted so
profoundly over the previous years. I have closed the women’s group. I
have resigned from all involvement in ex-gay ministries. I have
commenced a relationship with a wonderful Christian woman. I am allowing
myself the time and space to investigate other thoughts relating to
being gay and Christian. After nearly thirty years of torment I am
finally learning to rest from fixing my sexuality and past. Above all, I
am endeavouring to adopt a simple faith that I once held dear and that
is Jesus’ words that say “Come follow me”.
I
would like to make it known that I respect and appreciate all the
leaders and volunteers involved in the ex-gay ministries I have been
associated with. They too are genuine and loving Christians living by
their convictions. For me though, because of my own present journey I
can no longer be involved with them out of respect for their ministries
and their beliefs regarding homosexuality.
Read statements of others who worked with people with ' unwanted same sex attraction ' here
Labels: apology, exodus, former ex-gay leader, LGBT apology, Living Waters, unwanted same sex attraction